In the States, there’s an old Girl Scout song that goes like this: “Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold.”
That little jingle couldn’t be more on point than in the life of an expat. When setting off to make your home in a foreign land, old friends are a precious gift. They are your rock. Something you can cling to in times of uncertainty, because they are, by definition, certain. They know the real you, and can remind you of who you are, and where you’re going. Nothing is more bittersweet than hearing deep belly laughs from a group of girlfriends a couple tables over at a coffee shop, when you’re new in town and pretending to be all too absorbed in your book. Bitter, because it brings back cherished moments with your old friends. And sweet, because it gives you hope that new friends will come into your life, and that you will create memories together.
The First Step Is Always The Hardest
But how does one go about making friends in a new place? It’s a scary task! It’s actually kind of like dating: first you have to meet them, which can be a hard enough, because unless you have a job or kids, you don’t have fixed activities. “When we first got here,” Debbie from Texas said, “every time my husband and I would be at lunch and he’d overhear an American accent, he’d say, ‘That girl is American! Go talk to her!’” But abruptly introducing yourself with the opening line, “Hey, I heard your accent,” with nothing else to say is not the answer. It makes you look like a guy with a cheesy come-on line, not the obviously awesome woman you are, who just happens to be new in town and wants to build her social life!
Choosing Friends That Lift You Up
Then, once you meet a prospective friend, you have to scope them out. How old is she? Where does she come from? Is she in roughly the same life place as me? Kids? Married? Single? You want to find the answers to these questions in a casual, non-stalker sort of way. Obviously, the more you have in common the easier it should be to get along. But being in a new city is also a great opportunity to go a little outside your comfort zone. A woman who is, say, 20 years older than you or from a different culture might bring a fresh perspective to your world.
Finally, there must be chemistry. Just like dating, friends need a little ‘Je ne sais quoi’ magic to truly gel. If you’re really lucky, you might connect right away, and maybe even feel like you’ve known this gal your whole life. Often though, assessing ‘friend chemistry’ takes a little time and trust. But once you find it, you are golden. Then you can begin a true friendship, one where you can ask mildly embarrassing yet necessary questions like, “Do you like your OBGYN?” Or, “Where might I get my mustache waxed?” And, with some time and a little effort, your new friends will become your old friends, and you will be the girls at the coffee shop sharing deep belly laughs while the newbie looks wistfully on.
Tips for Making Friends:
#1 – Make friends by doing. Get out there! Go places, whatever your interests are. Belly dancing, yoga or Pilates classes are great (extra points for burning calories while making friends). Or perhaps join a book club or attend an expat women’s coffee morning. Dubai has tons of groups to join like InterNations, which is for expats around the globe. There are also country specific groups as well. If you have the means, The Dubai Ladies Club has a delicious private beach, two pools and art classes where you can meet your potential new BFF.
#2 - Use your network. Friends of friends, even from back home, might know someone who knows someone who recently moved and is in a similar boat. And, if you receive an invitation to something, show up! You never know who you’ll meet.
#3 – Be open minded. Remember, variety is the spice of life! Not all of your girlfriends should be carbon copies of one another.
#4 – Meet acquaintances for coffee. It’s easy, can be 30 minutes or less and no pressure. Plus, you never know who they could introduce you to.
#5 – Give second chances: Putting yourself out there can be tough, so make it a gentle process for you and for your prospective friends. Not everyone can put their best foot forward all the time, so if you’re not totally sure, make plans again.
#6 – Don’t flake – Nothing is worse than a flakey new friend. Makes you say, “Next!” And put them at the bottom of the pile. Don’t be the one at the bottom of the pile.
